Capitol Hill Barbie:
She's a Barbie girl in a world of legislative language and partisan rancor. But, none of that means much to our little Barbie. She is too busy running from reception to reception for free food and booze because on her staff assistant salary she can't afford groceries after buying a $400 pair of shoes this month. Her dream date would be Tucker
Carlson or any member of the Kennedy clan (or any frat boy who's last name is Kennedy). She is often heard before she is seen with her giggly gaggle of fellow Barbie-esque staff assistants who flirt shamelessly with Capitol Hill Ken and his posse of uncool dudes who think they are hot stuff because they just got promoted from mail opener to mail answerer.
Reston Barbie:
This princess Barbie is sold only at The Reston Town Center. She comes with an assortment of Coach Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named Honey, and a "cookie cutter" $2,000, 000.00 house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and Scioto Country Club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate flag bumper
sticker absolutely free.
Herndon Barbie:
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available.
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of another Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails and a see through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangster Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.
This doll comes equipped with happy hour schedule and north face fleece. Her seemingly Republican day outfit turns into a tight pair of seven jeans and a sluttly top in the evening (but the pearl earrings stay in of course). She comes with an overpriced condo and flashy car that she never drives since the metro is a block away. Graduated Frat
Boy Ken is sold separately but comes with a pair of new balance shoes, a hat from the college he graduated from, and a polo shirt with a collar you can flip up or down.
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